In every storybook, the story and the ending is always the same. The girl dreams about her perfect man, a perfect proposal and the white dress. She dreams about what her soulmate will look like and how so swept up she’ll be in his love. It’s not something new when a girl tells you that she has a list of qualities that she wants to have in a guy. Someone who’s not only handsome, but respectful. Someone who loves her family (and his as well). Someone who loves adventure and is constantly trying something new. Someone who wants a big family, just like she does. And most importantly, someone who is Godly and loves God more than he loves her.
Is that necessarily my list? No. We’ve all been taught as children to look at life like this enormous fairytale. That everything will happen the way we want it to, and in the order the way we want it to. You’ll grow up, leave home and go to college, get engaged to the perfect person, get married and have kids. And, when it doesn’t happen, you start to start to wonder where you messed up or what’s wrong with you. You start to wonder if there’s something that you did that was so wrong, that God isn’t giving you the desires of your heart. But life isn’t a fairytale. And things don’t happen the way they’re supposed to. Sometimes, things happen and we have no control over it. But God always has control over every single aspect of our lives. We just don’t see it physically happening until we give ourselves to God and we learn to trust him after placing our hearts in His hands.
“Why is it that God is so quick to give other’s the desires of their heart, but yet, at the same time, He’s so quick to hand out ‘no’s’ to others?”
Just because God gives you a handful of “no’s,” doesn’t mean that He’s never going to say yes. Because when you start to believe that you’re unworthy and that you don’t matter and that nobody will ever feel that way about you, you’re letting Satan win. You’re letting Satan consume your mind and he’s trying to destroy your image of God. God works in His own time. He gave us 90+ years to enjoy His blessings. I’ll be the first to say that God never ceases to amaze me because He never steers my life in a path that I’ve ever thought I’d be. He wants you to lean on Him and not worry about the storm. Jesus allows things to break you down so that He can build you up into everything He wants you to be. Maybe God is calling you to a life of singleness to serve Him. Maybe it’s in God’s plan for you to wait because He has that perfect person for you to spend the rest of your life with – the perfect person that will show you what it means to love and serve Him. Maybe He’s asking you to wait because He knows that getting married and having kids right now will end up in heartbreak and He doesn’t want that for you. Maybe he’s making you wait because he wants to introduce you to the person that fits your heart and soul like a glove so that you don’t settle for anyone that’s unworthy of you.
My fairytale was that at 23, I’d at least have had a serious relationship. At 24, I wanted to be engaged to the love of my life, and at 26, I wanted to be married. At 28, I wanted to start having children. I’ve even found myself picturing my wedding and trying to dream up the perfect guy like every little girl has done in her life. Is my life working out the way I’ve wanted it to? Not one bit. I’m still working on my college degree after taking several left turns. I’m no closer to having that serious relationship and I’m not the least embarrassed about it. Because I know how much that means to me and I know how much that must mean to God to save myself for someone that I know I have serious feelings for. Being in a relationship is something that is very serious to me and it’s not something that I take lightly. I’ve learned that I can’t settle for anyone less than I deserve, and I know, that if it means that I will be single until my 50’s, then it’s worth waiting forever for. Is it naiive? Quite possibly. But God is constantly working on His plan for me and I refuse to insert myself in the middle of it and change it. Because as much as I’ve failed Him, He’s constantly pursuing me every second of everyday, and for me, that’s enough.
Life happens. Heartbreak happens. But maybe, that’s the beauty of it. Maybe it’s supposed to happen to bring us closer to God. Life would be boring without an adventure. If things were supposed to happen exactly the way we’ve dreamed, then there wouldn’t be any surprises.
“But, seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all those things will be given to you as well. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” (Matthew 6:33, 16:25)
Because, in the end, being with Jesus is the happy ending to our fairytale, right?